Back when I was in College I had this stupid, immature view that ALL things would just work out and no matter what I did I’d bounce back right away. This view was because.. it was always true. I just put my faith in God and sat there ignorant because I didn’t know I was going to be punished for having such an immature view on life and it’s successes.
Then I was kicked out of College because of my grades. I didn’t spend the time needed to make sure they were good, and if you don’t put your time in, then how can you expect things to come out the way you want them? Ignorance and Immaturity. Then I spent my time emotionally relying on one woman and I fell in love with her dramatically, but she tore me from limb to limb. It sent me spiraling at a really bad point in my life (Read a previous post) and I almost lost my life. So close. Then I decided to live for myself. Find the things that once made me happy and go for it, but then I was to realize that by putting so much of myself into that one woman, what had happened was that I lost pretty much everything that I loved about myself. It was awful to accept, and I just went on a deeper spiral. I couldn’t be around a woman that I was attracted to, hell, could barely be attracted to any other woman. I was and am still in Love with this woman. But, I’ve grown. A lot. I’ve made strides going towards happiness and found a little bit of it, but still in a funk that I can’t shake. I’m making really wonderful music that I didn’t know I was capable of, and in October I’ll be leaving for Denver, Colorado for 10 months in the AmeriCorps NCCC program to make a real difference in this world. Still, regardless of my accomplishments and the path I’ve set for myself, I can’t get her off my mind. I love her.
Relationships are tough.
Life is tough.
But what it really is, at the core of it. Making these decisions RIGHT..
Growing up is tough.
Erik V. Miller